my journey

you might expect a wonderful journey by reading the title but it's not. it's about my crazy journey to lose weight. I've always been self conscious since i was a kid. they said that pretty privileged ain't real but yes. it's real and it's always happens to me. right in front of my eyes. I've always asked myself. ask Allah. why me? why am i always being the ugly stupid fat friend among my circle? why am i always the one that receiving the different treatment from the teachers? and even the seller at the canteen? i was 8 years old. I'm still a kid. I am someone's child. 

my friend told me that im just being overthinking. that I'm just trying to make a big deal out of it. i wish im not. I feel so upset when my teacher didn't treat me like how they treat my friends. ofc they didn't realize it. it was me who experience it. 

I've always been an insecure kid. i didn't have confident to go up the stage. my parents didn't support me. i don't have an emotional support. where do you think I'll get the confident from? 

my time at middle school got wasted because of me that didn't have confident to join any competition. I'm a dull kid. people don't know me if it's because of my excellent results. 

i didn't tell this to people but I've always been jealous when there's a people that like my friend romantically. it is because no one likes me. no one ever have a crush on me FIRST. m on the other side is a different story. it's because they started a rumors that i like him. that's why he likes me. when in fact it's not true. bruh

i just wanted to feel loved by a guy. it's disgusting but it make me feel empty because no one has ever confess their feelings to me. unlike my friend. 

i feel so jealous when my friends is in a relationship because no one ever persuade me like that. it make me feel less girl. i don't think people will understand that feeling.

my friend always said that " you're not that fat. " wdym by THAT. just say that you don't know how to comfort me instead of yapping like that. it's worse yk

trying to lose weight is sooooo hard wtf. why does it's so hard to not feel hungry. I'm jealous with people that forgot how to eat cus it'll never be me. I've already thinking what to eat next when i just ate my lunch.duhhh

bye penat saja nak try test je senanya ter rant pulak

v, 5.52 pm

J, Malaysia