anxious me

17. an age that i don't want to reach and here i am  damn. can't believe that im 17 years old now. didn't plan to live that long wtff 😭 abah brought me to riakar and we daftar my lesen motor together. it didn't feel real. abah also already tempah new motorcycle for me. wow masyaallah alhamdulillah. I'm grateful for your rezki ya Allah. what did i do to deserved those love from my father hmm. to abah, i may not say this Infront of you but im very grateful for what you did to me today. knowing that other people don't experience this from their fathers make me feel so loved my you. I'm so lucky to be your daughter ;) insyaalllah i will try my best to repay everyone's kindness being 17 is.......lonely. actually i don't know what to feel. it's so unreal. i still feel like upsr is just yesterday. and i still remember everyone's reaction, especially my mom when i got 5A and 1B. lol im so dramatic back then. but being 17 also mean that ...im sitting...

you might expect a wonderful journey by reading the title but it's not. it's about my crazy journey to lose weight. I've always been self conscious since i was a kid. they said that pretty privileged ain't real but yes. it's real and it's always happens to me. right in front of my eyes. I've always asked myself. ask Allah. why me? why am i always being the ugly stupid fat friend among my circle? why am i always the one that receiving the different treatment from the teachers? and even the seller at the canteen? i was 8 years old. I'm still a kid. I am someone's child.  my friend told me that im just being overthinking. that I'm just trying to make a big deal out of it. i wish im not. I feel so upset when my teacher didn't treat me like how they treat my friends. ofc they didn't realize it. it was me who experience it.  I've always been an insecure kid. i didn't have confident to go up the stage. my parents didn't support me. i...